Let the fire inside you burn like I do

Now. Right now.

1000 pogi points to the person who gets that song reference.

Hay naku. I have all this pent-up energy and nowhere to expend it. And no, that isn't a thinly-veiled reference to sex.

***

I'm still unemployed, this two months after finding out I placed eighth in the national social worker board exams.

Yes, I know my course is a somewhat more obscure one than others so I doubt people are monitoring our top ten for potential employees like board passers from say, nursing or pharmacy or medicine. But aside from that, I think something else is cutting into my potential employment.

I think that, and just like it was back in school, I'm being judged for the fact that I don't come from a particularly poor background. At least that's the feeling I have over my last interview and not being called back. Initially anyway, the impression I got from school was that people felt that since I was well-off, I couldn't empathize with the poor completely/couldn't handle the situations or clients we would be facing/wouldn't be able to take the lack of monetary benefits that comes with social work. My profs would look at me out of the corner of their eyes when they would say, even into my batch's last year, that if you weren't sure about the course, shift.

See, all the things that would normally qualify me for any job in any other profession are all the things that can be counted against me in this one: my grades, my background, my confidence, my competence with speaking and writing, etc., etc. Because it gives the impression that I would be unrelatable/intimidating to clients. But those are all superficial qualities. They don't say anything about who I am, what I believe in, what I want to do.

And what I want to do is something directly beneficial and meaningful to others. Something that will get me out of the office and out on the streets making a difference in people's lives. I think you can truly want to be of service whether or not you're well-off.

Most social work students are either beneficiares of foundations or have relatives who are social workers, so they're in the social work "network," so to speak, and have no trouble hearing about job openings. So if one doesn't pan out, they hear about other openings pretty quick. Me, not so. I'm the only one in my family not doing something business-related, and my parents are my only benefactors. So I'm at a dead end right now.

You'd think after doing well in a board exam, everything would just fall into place. Hmph.

***

So what's keeping me busy in the interim?

Well I'm fending off a fool on my cellphone who wants to be "textmates." God.

Apparently some jackass sent my number to him. "Tripper ka ba?" he asked. What the fuck is a tripper? Sounds pervy.

Well after he couldn't/wouldn't give me any details on the mofo who gave him my number, I stopped replying. But that hasn't stopped him from sending me like twenty text messages everyday. He's one of those people who has to send every message twice, just to be sure. He even asked me for load. Kapal!

Why would anyone want to be "friends" with someone over a cellphone? I prefer my friendships in person.

Loser.

***

I have like two and a half months worth of comics piled up at my store. I miss them so. But I'll need around five thousand bucks to get them and the lack of a salary precludes that happy event. I hope the five or six years of business and thousands and thousands of pesos I've given my store is incentive enough for them to keep storing my comics till I can get them. May diversion lie pa ako na I'm out of town so I can't get them. Ala nga naman I'll tell them I'm cashless, 'di ba? Yes I called them. How sad.

***

I caught Donnie Darko the other day on cable. Man, that's some freaky shit. But that's how I like my movies. There's all this time travel/tangent universe shit but at the same time, you never know if it's all just in Donnie's head (he's kinda nuts). Tinatamad ako mag-explain, read here.

***

I love Youtube. I've been finding videos of all these songs I don't usually get to hear on it.

***

I labs 'd inumans talaga. Salami ng marami Amelia and happy beerday! God bless the camera. My hazy memories were completely unreliable the morning after. Fortunately, there were enough snapshots to show just how plastered I was the night before.

***

My dad says I should just volunteer if I can't get a paying job, anyway I plan on packing off to... elsewhere for my masters in a year's time. He'll give me an allowance equal to whatever a social worker makes daw. But see, the paycheck is more than money to me. It's a validation of my adulthood, of me being respected as a professional and not having to mooch off of my parents anymore. Hay.

But it's better than getting fat at home, I suppose. I was interested in Gawad Kalinga and wondering if they had openings, but I hear they're even more enthusiastic about volunteers. We'll see.

***

I need to get out of the house and do something useful soon or I might explode.

Now. Right now.