The Bitch is Back

So what's next?

I've been back from my volunteer program for about a week now. I'm not going to go into emotional paroxysms just yet. There shall be time for incessant emote-ing about missing friends in future entries. Meanwhile:

1. I am now unemployed.
2. I have about P20,000 worth of comic books waiting for me at my suking tindahan.
3. I have no money to get them (Obviously. Saving has never been one of my strong points.)
4. I want to move out because, after living without parental rules for six months, I can't just come home and settle in like before. I suddenly realized I'm 24 and still at home with the folks.
5. I'm not really sure what I want to do, honestly.
6. I haven't unpacked yet.

So much has happened to me over the past half year, and I've got a lot on my mind in terms of the things I want to be involved in now, the kind of work I want to do. I definitely still want to do development work, but something a mite more high profile than what I was doing before my volunteer program, something that allows me to interact with a wider range of people.

And let's be honest, something that pays more. Don't get me wrong, I loved my first job, it was great experience, and my co-staff and the kids I worked with were great, but I was pretty much making minimum wage. Doesn't make for a lot of moving-out money. Or picking-up-P20,000-in-comic-books money.

Working in Iligan definitely made a huge impact on me. I definitely want to do peace work now, and if there's a chance, I'm there. Of course, that's not really a big thing here in Imperial Manila, and I really don't know where to start looking.

I've felt old for a while now, but looking at requirements for jobs in big international organizations is making me realize how young and inexperienced I am. Having a masters wouldn't hurt too, apparently. But I'm not ready just yet to go back to school. I'm afraid I'll binge-drink every night and fuck up my thesis, as I am wont to do with most paperwork. And I definitely want to do it on my own; I am not asking my parents to pay for it. Breaking out of my propensity for parental dependence is paramount to my self-esteem right now.

I have been toying with the idea of (don't judge me) a call center, temporarily, just so I can make enough to move out, buy what I need to buy and get out on my own. But then after all my experiences with all the NGOs we managed to work with over this past half year... I suppose it wouldn't exactly be putting my learnings to good use. And for what, a fat paycheck?

But man, I am stewing in the house. And if there's one thing I've learned over this program, it's that I need to grow up and get out on my own, and no job is too undo-able if it'll allow me to do that. Let's just say I'm keeping my options open.

It is kind of fun, though, having everything open and undefined before me right now. That uncertainty means I can pretty much go into anything I want to right now. And it's nice not having to be responsible for anything for a bit. I know it'll end soon enough, but I'm sort of enjoying it while I can.